He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
