Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
