I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
