She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
