I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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