but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
