I love black thongs
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
