He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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