I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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