I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
