WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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