I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
