My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
