How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
