I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
