If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
