I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
