We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
