The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
