What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
