Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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