ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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