i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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