what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
