apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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