We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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