Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
