He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
