she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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