I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
