mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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