Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
