She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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