Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize