the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
