Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
