She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
