He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
