What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
