I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
