my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
