My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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