dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
