she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
