Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
