i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
