Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
