Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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