I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
