You're completely useless in the revolution.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
