Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
