i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
