Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
