So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
