So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
