Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
