Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
